thoughts on the global banana

it all started from a banana. imported from chile that i bought at trader joe's. i've been thinking about globalization a lot and about transnational/global spaces. I've never been to chile. I don't know what the people look like, i don't know what the language is, or who picked my banana. my ideas of chile are constructed by this banana. my inadequacy stems from in(ter)dependency. i cannot be fully independent from this globalized system, nor can i be fully dependent on the system. so do i fall in the parenthesis? damned yearn for a sense of belonging.

from that thought, i ran into my girlfriend, km, who talked about her trip to vegas. Las Vegas is constructed too. She was talking about the people on the side of the streets flapping their cards and whistling at you to go to their titty bar. This is how they make a living and she felt bad. It made me ambivalent. Although the system isn't changing at all to give them real work, at least they are working. Some people aren't working at all. Yet what does it matter if you have work if it's degrading to your values? And what does it matter if it's degrading if you have mouths to feed, your own, or your children's mouths? There is a lot of band and forth going on in my mind since I'm not quite sure what I believe.

People go there to spend money, gamble, drink, sex, marriage, get out of the norm, and etc even though this place isn't real. Out of the norm. The people who work the casinos, who clean Las Vegas, who work in the hotels actually live in the outskirts of the city. In different cities in Nevada, but we don't see that, don't visit those places because we are drawn to the glamour and make-believe. Why? What is this draw? Another sense of belonging? Belonging to a leisure class? a Classy class? To escape our own struggle? And to escape our own, to indulge, must it be at the expense of someone else's struggle?

Then I thought about Disneyland. No lie, it's is also a construction and has told us lies since our childhood, yet we still buy into it. I still buy into it. Because it seems fantastical, magical, etc. We walk into theme parks to experience a simulation of a make-believe place. Why aren't we experiencing what is real? Is there even reality anymore? I mean in these cities and computer screens we can get cross-cultural, cross-global communications without having to move a foot. All I need is my mouse and my keyboard. Actually some people only need their phones now. Technology astounds me. We can literally connect with billions of people. Why is it that people would much rather socialize in World of Warcraft than in face-to-face interactions? Of course, why is it that I feel I must blog about this rather than talk to people about this? I've also internalized and practice forms of "print capitalism" in which I feel like it is more important for me to blog than to speak. And it is only when I speak through blog do I feel a part of a community in which I can be honest. There is probably someone watching me too....

Then to add on to this feeling of the panopticon, KM and I moved to the park. We talked about the univerCITY as a construct. The city of Irvine police pick up homeless people and drop them off in Santa Ana. Are the students here more disadvantaged if they do not know how to interact with a homeless person? Are we being taught networking skills to climb corporate ladders rather than skills of compassion, care, and humanity? And what is this fear that keeps us from acting against our conditioning? How can someone be aware of what needs to happen yet still hold on to their fears? Again, i only question because I am calling my self out. Challenging my self to break from my own fears and break my own habits, consumptions, etc.

Looking around the bench we were sitting on, I pondered, "Is nature even real?" Is there even a space on this earth that is natural? That hasn't been tainted? What is it about the natural world that we are afraid of? There are urban planners who try to make cities more "natural" but parks don't count as real nature. Yes, there is a tree, and grass and flowers in Aldrich Park but it was made by man, cut, cleaned, strategically placed, engineered. At the same time, the birds, bees, ants, and squirrels don't give a damn whether it's real or not. Or are they conditioned as well? Or have they adapted to surviving in urban life? The urban squirrel versus the squirrel in the woods. Which is more authentic? Which is more primordial? Of course, there is space for these different types of squirrels on this earth and still live harmoniously. Can there be enough space for us humans to live harmoniously?

Dualities of the human: genocide and altruism? yin and yang? just animals like the rest? imagine that when we listen to dogs speaking to each other how we cannot understand what they are saying or the depth of their language. but what if we are just animals talking and talking and there is some other animal looking at us, not understanding us, just studying our species. we would look like any other animal...our species is so insignificant on the time line of the universe. what must we be so egocentric?

then i thought about the city of irvine in relation to the university. the city of irvine is mostly conservative whites. the uc does not reflect the demographics of the city. how can i demand to change policies within the city of irvine if i don't intend of settling there? the university if a place of globalization/exchange/transnationalism, and though i critique the city that surrounds us, how much should i really take part if my time here is temporary? how much care should i put into it if irvine isn't my home? This ideas of the local community (the neighborhood) and the global community. As I work closely with my kid, I realize how much I want her to play without being afraid of a drive-by. How every child should have the opportunity and ability to play without being afraid, to learn without shame or inaccessibility, to explore and wonder and imagine.

If this world in our idealist minds are all imaginary and we accept the fact that it doesn't connect with reality in the now, then i hope we keep fighting for the potential of those ideals to come into full fruition. We as humans are the action. Our imaginations are the potential. Action-potential in a neuron is created by making the -70 resting potential change, or become more positive in charge. Once it is changed then the neuron can reach it's purpose which is to send out a neurotransmitter. If a neuron in our body reaches it's full potential by becoming positive, maybe that's why SPOP is so attractive? It is very positive and drawing, and disneyland is positive, and las vegas is fun, and maybe that's our attraction to that keeps us in our perpetual enslavement?

bungee jumping

Scared to let go of the ground,
the familiar faces, forms,
and structures that make the insane
sane and the insane insane.
it is probably more insane for me to stay here,
wait for something better to come along.
Get comfortable. This seems to be all
That I know, so where do I go from here?

But what is better than letting go?
Am I scared of seeing my reflection
in transition, a new face,
my face?