I'm importing suj's blog into all of this: http://sujason25.blogspot.com/2008/07/our-role-in-all-of-this.html
i definitely agree with suj in all of this
But is that all? What are we afraid of? The change in ourselves? I hope that we, as returners, challenge ourselves to be better as individuals. Yes, it's about the staff. Yes, it's about the spoppers.
What does it mean to be? We have no idea who we are, and the coords chose us because they saw the potential for growth in us and in the staff. SPOP is about potential and growth. I walk out of every spop feeling more enlightened and conscious of the experiences of other people's worlds. I take every SPOP as a SURPRISE! The spoppers suprise me; my staffers surprise me; and I surprise myself in my ability to learn and grow. THE SURPRISES ARE WHAT MAKES SPOP FUN (for me)! I become more knowledgeable in who I am. I think part of being a returner, besides dropping knowledge and etc, is listening. After returner meeting, it sounded like everyone was trying to go back to their first year experiences, but there really is no going back to our first years. We can only embrace what has happened, feel the jealousy, and utilize every spop as a new surprise, as a new space to learn.
Are we creating too open of a safe space? Yes, you're right; we can't create a bubble for the spoppers but we can show them the potential of what their college experience CAN be. We can tell them that the real world isn't really like this, and we can tell them that it IS what they take from SPOP to help them against the real world. One example: POSITIVITY. I learned in SPOP what it meant to be positive. How do I apply that to my every day life? To remain positive even when the world knocks me down and keep those closest to me closer. We are not the gurus of SPOP and have no idea who is walking through the door and what their comfort levels are especially in two days. No one is going to know anyone in two days. So it's like steppng into the ocean; we need to step back, dip in our toes, and then jump right in if it feels right. It is like a chemical reaction that can't be completed if there is a limiting reactant. We must find the limiting reactant and then the process will be smoother and complete. We aren't going to touch every spopper but it really is that ONE MOMENT that can change a person's day, month, year, or perspective on life. We can be that one moment. We can be there to be the energy too, especially if the staff is tired, or the spoppers are tired, definitely be there to pick up the energy, like how the coords were there for us during trainings. It's not about losing ourselves. It's about exploring other parts of ourselves and strengthening a different facet of who we are. We are getting something out of doing this too. We are becoming versatile and independent rather than depending on other staffers which is a good and bad thing.
Someone brought up spop as an affiliation with no affiliations. And I was brought in with an affiliation. I, personally, feel like Cross the Line has been successful. However, I'm not sure about how effective it has been, especially for the returners. Cross the Line's purpose is to build empathy (if that's the only thing anyone can take from it). From empathy, we can find love and ourselves. Everyone is capable of understanding. Mira was targeted for imposing these conscious ideals on the other coords, but Mira responded with the fact that the other coords are conscious and critical too. For people to ignore the capacity of the other coords does speak lowly of them. And I think for staffers and returners to doubt themselves as critical and conscious speaks lowly of themselves. There are staffers and returners who are aware of the injustices of the world because they have had personal experiences. No one needs to go through diversity training to know what pain feels like, but we should look to those people as a resource to show us what true strength means. I have gone through a lot of trials in my life, and I am glad I can share how I overcame those problems as well as revisit them because it is a humbling experience.
And I'll go back to the dependency on other staffers. I think it's an honor to know that staffers can rely on me as a REACHer, but not every REACHer is critical. I don't know everything. But I also feel like because I am a returner, I talk to a lot of the first years who do feel alone in SPOP. It is good that staffers and come up to me and talk to me about not feeling the splove and about the issues of spop (it makes me feel like a coord). But I feel like I have no team behind me that wants to help, especially when thereare returners saying things like,"It's about the majority's experience, not the minority's." I am the minority, and the team is leaving my experience and knowledge out of the loop.
How can we all be that person without feeling like we're walking on eggshells? I understand that not all of us are that sensitive or are good in those types of situations. I know that I am not that crazy, loud person and I may not be the first person people think about when they think of the word "fun," but I know that I want to work on that. I want to be openly available for all of the staff. I am acknowledging my faults and hoping to fix them to better myself. If people are second guessing themselves because they think that it may offend someone, then maybe it's for a reason. The fact that there is hesitation and questioning at that moment shows us, returners, that we will be accountable for making the "no/yes-go." We need to be accountable for ourselves, and better for ourselves because we have the potential and CAN always be better.
Why stay stagnant? We are all afraid of change on all individual, collective, and institutional levels. However, as we've seen with SPOP, change can be rewarding. I know that I am VERY intimidated to speak in the group, and it's because I feel that my voice is not wanted in the group space, and therefore my concerns aren't implemented on the institutional level. I do have an affect in SPOP and hopefully it's for the good. But where are you returners in that support for change, when you are the ones so resistant to it?
Monday, July 28, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
SPNORCAL
I went around 9:30 AM with Ben, Doris, and Isaac. Calvin rode his motorcycle up at the same time so I expected to meet up with him at home.
The drive was relaxing. We took shifts sleeping so the driver wouldn't be lonely. It was nice talking to Isaac when Ben and Doris was sleeping. He and I were talking about being a returner and how it feels in comparison to being a first year. The experience is different because we do take a backseat on the energy, and we are there for the quieter ones. We wait and watch. We have all become creepers I guess. Hahaha and I'm not sure which one is more rewarding: Being the high energy first year staffer pouring all this information into our spoppers, or watching all the knowledge you drop come to life, and just chill! I personally choose the latter.
It was extremely cold, but hanging out with Ben, Isaac, and Doris for the evening was really cool. We went to Wonderful Foods which had bomb boba! I got pineapple juice with lychee jelly. We decided to go eat at Banana Island, but we took a quick break at a party warehouse type of place to do some whacky things. We got dressed up and made weird faces and I laughed so hard, like in my gut kind of laugh. After dinner I took BART back home.
The next day we all met up Fisherman's Wharf. Let me say that riding on the back of a motorcycle in the city is a MUST DO for everyone! Riding across the bridge feels so free and different. You get to experience the cool of the bay and the minimal heat of the SF sun. Anyhow, Calvin and I had a really good talk that helped us have a great rest of the day.
At Fisherman's Wharf it was great seeing familiar faces in my hometurf. It was my ideal: Calvin, the bay, SPOP. That's what home should always feel like. For the first time in two years, I felt like I was home because I had everything I needed. My norcal and socal lives were combined in this one weekend and I felt free to be myself.
We flash mobbed, saw art, stayed up late, talked, and most importantly, laughed. I fell in love and it didn't end there.
The next morning I went to pick up Jeremy and Doris; we were the first car to head back down to socal. Luckily we missed all the car accidents and traffic so phew! Let me just say that I have always wanted a close friend in SPOP and Doris Su could be the one. Not to say that all the peope I love and adore aren't my close friends, but that one person y'know who has got your back and vice versa. Doris made me feel like a returner and like a human being. My experiences in college with Derek paralleled hers and I could only give her advice on how to sort her situation out. I was glad that I could because during Ask an Anteater, a father asked, "What do you regret?" And my instinct was to say Derek. Not because I didn't learn from him, but I think I could've MAXIMIZED my time if I weren't attached to anyone. However, I am thankful that he was in my life at that time. I told her that deep down in our hearts, we know what we want, and sometimes people have to close ONE door in order to open five more. And for the first ime I understand what it means to do those things.
Deep down in the pit of my heart I know I want to be with Calvin forever. I know that I want to have fun and be free. I want to live. And I am going to try everything I can to maintain what I want now and work on it every day. Calvin and I are like the movie The Notebook; I'm Allie and he's Noah...except I am Diana and he's Calvin. This is such a big chapter of my life--SPOP, England, Calvin--because I am doing things that I want to do without feeling like I should be held down. I am embracing it and all the people who are in my life.
Doris helped me with the SPOP part of my life. I am still very scared to go out to things and to talk to people, especially the returners. But even though I don't talk to them--Omar, Phil Lee, Hannah, Jungle, Shahirah (mostly purple years)--I definitely think about them and talk about them in such high regard and look to them to push me to be a better returner. As a teal year first year staffer who knew nothing of the program, everyone kept talking about how amazing purple was and it was really hard to live up to whatever purple year did. And it's not to say that they didn't hold it down, but the mixture of purple and teal returners this year are really handling it. i was talking to eman and the coords, staff, and returners are a three tier force that are not to be reckoned with! we will take everyone down with our passion to change the woooorld! ::dramatic music ends::
no, but seriously, i'm really happy that the coords are close to the staff, the returners' hearts are in the right places, no one is tryng to overshadow anyone, just spreading love and wisdom; and the first year staffers are so pumped and taking everything to the next level.
i am so privileged to be alive right now. I am glad to be in this lifetime.
i can't thank anyone enough for sharing with me, loving me, listening to me, and helping me grow to be a better person. I am internally and eternally grateful.
The drive was relaxing. We took shifts sleeping so the driver wouldn't be lonely. It was nice talking to Isaac when Ben and Doris was sleeping. He and I were talking about being a returner and how it feels in comparison to being a first year. The experience is different because we do take a backseat on the energy, and we are there for the quieter ones. We wait and watch. We have all become creepers I guess. Hahaha and I'm not sure which one is more rewarding: Being the high energy first year staffer pouring all this information into our spoppers, or watching all the knowledge you drop come to life, and just chill! I personally choose the latter.
It was extremely cold, but hanging out with Ben, Isaac, and Doris for the evening was really cool. We went to Wonderful Foods which had bomb boba! I got pineapple juice with lychee jelly. We decided to go eat at Banana Island, but we took a quick break at a party warehouse type of place to do some whacky things. We got dressed up and made weird faces and I laughed so hard, like in my gut kind of laugh. After dinner I took BART back home.
The next day we all met up Fisherman's Wharf. Let me say that riding on the back of a motorcycle in the city is a MUST DO for everyone! Riding across the bridge feels so free and different. You get to experience the cool of the bay and the minimal heat of the SF sun. Anyhow, Calvin and I had a really good talk that helped us have a great rest of the day.
At Fisherman's Wharf it was great seeing familiar faces in my hometurf. It was my ideal: Calvin, the bay, SPOP. That's what home should always feel like. For the first time in two years, I felt like I was home because I had everything I needed. My norcal and socal lives were combined in this one weekend and I felt free to be myself.
We flash mobbed, saw art, stayed up late, talked, and most importantly, laughed. I fell in love and it didn't end there.
The next morning I went to pick up Jeremy and Doris; we were the first car to head back down to socal. Luckily we missed all the car accidents and traffic so phew! Let me just say that I have always wanted a close friend in SPOP and Doris Su could be the one. Not to say that all the peope I love and adore aren't my close friends, but that one person y'know who has got your back and vice versa. Doris made me feel like a returner and like a human being. My experiences in college with Derek paralleled hers and I could only give her advice on how to sort her situation out. I was glad that I could because during Ask an Anteater, a father asked, "What do you regret?" And my instinct was to say Derek. Not because I didn't learn from him, but I think I could've MAXIMIZED my time if I weren't attached to anyone. However, I am thankful that he was in my life at that time. I told her that deep down in our hearts, we know what we want, and sometimes people have to close ONE door in order to open five more. And for the first ime I understand what it means to do those things.
Deep down in the pit of my heart I know I want to be with Calvin forever. I know that I want to have fun and be free. I want to live. And I am going to try everything I can to maintain what I want now and work on it every day. Calvin and I are like the movie The Notebook; I'm Allie and he's Noah...except I am Diana and he's Calvin. This is such a big chapter of my life--SPOP, England, Calvin--because I am doing things that I want to do without feeling like I should be held down. I am embracing it and all the people who are in my life.
Doris helped me with the SPOP part of my life. I am still very scared to go out to things and to talk to people, especially the returners. But even though I don't talk to them--Omar, Phil Lee, Hannah, Jungle, Shahirah (mostly purple years)--I definitely think about them and talk about them in such high regard and look to them to push me to be a better returner. As a teal year first year staffer who knew nothing of the program, everyone kept talking about how amazing purple was and it was really hard to live up to whatever purple year did. And it's not to say that they didn't hold it down, but the mixture of purple and teal returners this year are really handling it. i was talking to eman and the coords, staff, and returners are a three tier force that are not to be reckoned with! we will take everyone down with our passion to change the woooorld! ::dramatic music ends::
no, but seriously, i'm really happy that the coords are close to the staff, the returners' hearts are in the right places, no one is tryng to overshadow anyone, just spreading love and wisdom; and the first year staffers are so pumped and taking everything to the next level.
i am so privileged to be alive right now. I am glad to be in this lifetime.
i can't thank anyone enough for sharing with me, loving me, listening to me, and helping me grow to be a better person. I am internally and eternally grateful.
I Found Myself in Sierra
SPOP 4: Show Stoppin' Sierra or, secretly, Sierra[r] Breasts!
Staff: I was CP, Sonia, Jayme, Jade, Theresa, Ladi, and Wes as my returner.
This week has been the craziest week for me. I've had SPOP 2, SPOP 3, midterms, SPnorcal, SPOP 4, and finals. I was the CP for Show Stoppin' Sierra; it was an all girl hall. 35 girls. So again, I CPed and this was by far, the scariest moment of my life. I was sooooo nervous and doubted my abilities. I didn't think I was adequate for the position. I kept checking in with the coords and told them I was a failure. I couldn't stay positive; I was tired, and I didn't know my staff very well. Negativity and doubt shrouded my mind. I kept what Omar sent out in my tohughts though. He said, " NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF AS A STAFFER! You're here for a reason." It's true, and I wanted to find out what it was. Finding out who I was as a staffer was my biggest challenge.
During CP meeting, we were all like, "FUCK! Hardest group of TFCs! Hardest group ever!" But we were all determined to break 'em doooown! My staff kept me going even when the spoppers didn't seem that into it. Ladi kept such positive energy with her huge smile and optimism; Sonia and Theresa inspired and maintained the energy throughout the entire time; Jayme is that creeping good feeling that pops up and giggles; Jade was so chill and helped us see what having a good ime and being ourselves meant; and Wes kept us laughing and kept me pushing for more. Seriously I could not have done it with any other staffers. It really was meant to be for all of us to staff together. Wes said that we were all so selfless and I can only agree how much of our hearts were into making our Sierrans feel like they belong at UCI. Our drive to empower, inspire, and awe shined through.
The night before, when everyone went to Cha, I was in the RA room talking to Jade and Jesus about life. Kim walks in asking if I had a shower cap. I called Eman, and couldn't get a hold of one. She had holes in her ear drums because of a prolonged ear infection. So I decided to get creative because she couldn't have any water in her ear! I took a ziplock bag, cut it in half the two pieces would each be ziplocked at the top. I taped the open parts so that her ear would fit just right and taped it all around her ear so that no water could get through. Or at least minimal water. During the touch game, Kim thanked me for doing this little thing that meant so much to her. I was telling Calvin earlier this morning that if we put ourcreative energies into something positive, the outcome could be lasting and so much more rewarding. (He was airing out a water bottle to put his blunts in, so they wouldn't get crushed. Ingenious!) Calvin agreed and understood (Gosh I love him!).
At the dance party, this was the first time all the music was in sync and we finally got American Pie to work too. It was ridiculous! Everyone was dancing and all our Sierrans had their diamonds in the sky, dancing together as a group. It felt like a mini EDC simulation. I felt like I was on top of the world just watching everyone have a great time! When we did American Pie, no one got hur we all laughed and were sweaty. Then we said our thank yous to the coords and I could almost cry! Afterward we held hands and ran straight down toward the third level. It was in this dance party momnt that we really syncheda lot of the doubters and show them that UCI can be fun even if it means putting on some music via car speakers and just dancing in the parking lot. Even I felt connected with the hall. We had a mixer with Camino and there were good laughs and I stayed up writing my staff notes and taped them to their shirts.
Anyway, I must say that I feel like we succeeded with most of the ladies. During the touch game, I thought of all the potential my spoppers have to make the world amazing because they are all beautiful and strong women who deserve anything they put their hearts into. Simultaneously my thoughts were consumed by my staff and how beautiful they are for making the magic, bearing their hearts, empowering me, and making my job easier by handling all the different types of girls--the sporty, the spunky, the girly, and the quiet ones. The variety was similar to those random people who ride on roller coasters. for that moment when we finish going through all the loops, dips, and corkscrews, we feel flushed, relieved, and ready to do it again.
This time for the touch game, I sat with the ladies on the ground. Maybe it was the intensity of the emotions, or my weariness, but I could not stop crying. It felt like it did SPOP 3 of last year. It felt like I was challenged to find myself and find the spoppers, and for this first time this year, I felt like I finally staffed the shit out of the hall. I was so vulnerable and came out stronger. I was telling my staff that I was happy we didn't know each other because we weren't overshadowed by any of the other loud staffers. We held it down on our own and blew everyone away!
I don't know how to express the pride I feel to be a woman and to be a part of a program that gives people the confidence and courage to do amazing things. A spopper said to Sonia that her family didn't approve of dancing as a passion, but after she saw Sonia dance, she wants to audition and try out for a team. It's those moments of inspiration that bring us back to where we came from.
I am thankful for the women in my life who inspire me, who push me to be in a better place than they were. Wes said, in the big group discussion, "Every man should be able to staff at least an all girls hall because they will teach you." And it's true. I thank the men in our lives who fight and struggle with the women. Calvin is definitely with me in this struggle for equality and I'm really happy that I have someone who understands that.
So when in the morning when I revealed myself as the CP of Sierra, I said, "Today is the first day of their lives."
And by the end of it, I think I ended up having my entire life changed. I am different walking out of that hall. I am stronger as a staffer and as a woman. The struggles of today are the changes of tomorrow.
Staff: I was CP, Sonia, Jayme, Jade, Theresa, Ladi, and Wes as my returner.
This week has been the craziest week for me. I've had SPOP 2, SPOP 3, midterms, SPnorcal, SPOP 4, and finals. I was the CP for Show Stoppin' Sierra; it was an all girl hall. 35 girls. So again, I CPed and this was by far, the scariest moment of my life. I was sooooo nervous and doubted my abilities. I didn't think I was adequate for the position. I kept checking in with the coords and told them I was a failure. I couldn't stay positive; I was tired, and I didn't know my staff very well. Negativity and doubt shrouded my mind. I kept what Omar sent out in my tohughts though. He said, " NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF AS A STAFFER! You're here for a reason." It's true, and I wanted to find out what it was. Finding out who I was as a staffer was my biggest challenge.
During CP meeting, we were all like, "FUCK! Hardest group of TFCs! Hardest group ever!" But we were all determined to break 'em doooown! My staff kept me going even when the spoppers didn't seem that into it. Ladi kept such positive energy with her huge smile and optimism; Sonia and Theresa inspired and maintained the energy throughout the entire time; Jayme is that creeping good feeling that pops up and giggles; Jade was so chill and helped us see what having a good ime and being ourselves meant; and Wes kept us laughing and kept me pushing for more. Seriously I could not have done it with any other staffers. It really was meant to be for all of us to staff together. Wes said that we were all so selfless and I can only agree how much of our hearts were into making our Sierrans feel like they belong at UCI. Our drive to empower, inspire, and awe shined through.
The night before, when everyone went to Cha, I was in the RA room talking to Jade and Jesus about life. Kim walks in asking if I had a shower cap. I called Eman, and couldn't get a hold of one. She had holes in her ear drums because of a prolonged ear infection. So I decided to get creative because she couldn't have any water in her ear! I took a ziplock bag, cut it in half the two pieces would each be ziplocked at the top. I taped the open parts so that her ear would fit just right and taped it all around her ear so that no water could get through. Or at least minimal water. During the touch game, Kim thanked me for doing this little thing that meant so much to her. I was telling Calvin earlier this morning that if we put ourcreative energies into something positive, the outcome could be lasting and so much more rewarding. (He was airing out a water bottle to put his blunts in, so they wouldn't get crushed. Ingenious!) Calvin agreed and understood (Gosh I love him!).
At the dance party, this was the first time all the music was in sync and we finally got American Pie to work too. It was ridiculous! Everyone was dancing and all our Sierrans had their diamonds in the sky, dancing together as a group. It felt like a mini EDC simulation. I felt like I was on top of the world just watching everyone have a great time! When we did American Pie, no one got hur we all laughed and were sweaty. Then we said our thank yous to the coords and I could almost cry! Afterward we held hands and ran straight down toward the third level. It was in this dance party momnt that we really syncheda lot of the doubters and show them that UCI can be fun even if it means putting on some music via car speakers and just dancing in the parking lot. Even I felt connected with the hall. We had a mixer with Camino and there were good laughs and I stayed up writing my staff notes and taped them to their shirts.
Anyway, I must say that I feel like we succeeded with most of the ladies. During the touch game, I thought of all the potential my spoppers have to make the world amazing because they are all beautiful and strong women who deserve anything they put their hearts into. Simultaneously my thoughts were consumed by my staff and how beautiful they are for making the magic, bearing their hearts, empowering me, and making my job easier by handling all the different types of girls--the sporty, the spunky, the girly, and the quiet ones. The variety was similar to those random people who ride on roller coasters. for that moment when we finish going through all the loops, dips, and corkscrews, we feel flushed, relieved, and ready to do it again.
This time for the touch game, I sat with the ladies on the ground. Maybe it was the intensity of the emotions, or my weariness, but I could not stop crying. It felt like it did SPOP 3 of last year. It felt like I was challenged to find myself and find the spoppers, and for this first time this year, I felt like I finally staffed the shit out of the hall. I was so vulnerable and came out stronger. I was telling my staff that I was happy we didn't know each other because we weren't overshadowed by any of the other loud staffers. We held it down on our own and blew everyone away!
I don't know how to express the pride I feel to be a woman and to be a part of a program that gives people the confidence and courage to do amazing things. A spopper said to Sonia that her family didn't approve of dancing as a passion, but after she saw Sonia dance, she wants to audition and try out for a team. It's those moments of inspiration that bring us back to where we came from.
I am thankful for the women in my life who inspire me, who push me to be in a better place than they were. Wes said, in the big group discussion, "Every man should be able to staff at least an all girls hall because they will teach you." And it's true. I thank the men in our lives who fight and struggle with the women. Calvin is definitely with me in this struggle for equality and I'm really happy that I have someone who understands that.
So when in the morning when I revealed myself as the CP of Sierra, I said, "Today is the first day of their lives."
And by the end of it, I think I ended up having my entire life changed. I am different walking out of that hall. I am stronger as a staffer and as a woman. The struggles of today are the changes of tomorrow.
Come on Ride the Soultero Train!
Spop 3 was fanastic! I was a returner for Wes and it was so much fun! I got to relax and just kick it, helping Wes, and getting close to the spoppers. Our staff included: Angie Mendez, Cat Pham, Jason Keh, Chris Cialeo, and Wes (CP). I must admit that I was a bit nervous because I wasn't sure about how we would all click, but Cat brought the energy and fun, JK brought the stories, Cialeo dropped knowledge, and Angie brought the heart. Together we became a functioning SOUL within Otero. The spoppers were quiet, but when we did the touch game, boy! did my assumptions get squashed!
I wasn't sure if the spoppers were feeling SPOP because of the long days and the, not gonna lie, kinda overbearing staffers. But everyone said that they had a great time. Garrison even said that he was supposed to go to Australia instead of SPOP, but quickly realized that SPOP was definitely more fun and worthit because he gets to spend the next four years with the people in the hall. How amazing is that?! It's so inspiring to know that we are doing it right. The spoppers truly bring the SOUL into every spop. We just facilitate and hope that we can move one person to take that step.
Wes definitely gave that to me. He and I sat in the RA room while the dance party was going on and he was writing a piece for spoken word. When he read it to me it moved me to write. His soul poured into words moved mine and I needed to channel that same spirit into poetry. The art isnt about the words that come out; it's about the exchange of the SPIRIT.
For example, Wes and Angie never believed in Levitation. When we levitated Garrison, they believed and were awed. Honestly, it's solely the power of belief. It's the trust in others to do their part and the trust in yourself to do yours.
So I felt that I needed to represent the otherside to Wes' poem by writing it from the other person's perspective. He wrote about how he, as a man, can't let go of his pride to chase his girl. No matter how much he loves her, he will let her go, because she is showing him that she wants to go. I argue that women leave because she wants to know that she is greater than pride. I had the same argument with Calvin earlier that night so I was fresh on my mind and heart.
If I learned anything from this group of people, it is that love, spirit, soul, doesn't have to be seen with extravagence because it is invisible, yet very real and very powerful. We all have that power. All we have to do is BELIEVE IN THE SOUL and mountains will be MOVED!
I wasn't sure if the spoppers were feeling SPOP because of the long days and the, not gonna lie, kinda overbearing staffers. But everyone said that they had a great time. Garrison even said that he was supposed to go to Australia instead of SPOP, but quickly realized that SPOP was definitely more fun and worthit because he gets to spend the next four years with the people in the hall. How amazing is that?! It's so inspiring to know that we are doing it right. The spoppers truly bring the SOUL into every spop. We just facilitate and hope that we can move one person to take that step.
Wes definitely gave that to me. He and I sat in the RA room while the dance party was going on and he was writing a piece for spoken word. When he read it to me it moved me to write. His soul poured into words moved mine and I needed to channel that same spirit into poetry. The art isnt about the words that come out; it's about the exchange of the SPIRIT.
For example, Wes and Angie never believed in Levitation. When we levitated Garrison, they believed and were awed. Honestly, it's solely the power of belief. It's the trust in others to do their part and the trust in yourself to do yours.
So I felt that I needed to represent the otherside to Wes' poem by writing it from the other person's perspective. He wrote about how he, as a man, can't let go of his pride to chase his girl. No matter how much he loves her, he will let her go, because she is showing him that she wants to go. I argue that women leave because she wants to know that she is greater than pride. I had the same argument with Calvin earlier that night so I was fresh on my mind and heart.
If I learned anything from this group of people, it is that love, spirit, soul, doesn't have to be seen with extravagence because it is invisible, yet very real and very powerful. We all have that power. All we have to do is BELIEVE IN THE SOUL and mountains will be MOVED!
The First One
SO after extensive recovery time after all the SPOPs I've done this far, I feel like I can finally find the space and time to write about it.
SPOP 1: Purple Pimpin' Poppin' Prado Posse AKA P5
It was my first time as a CP. I was so nervous and frantic because I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like I kept missing something really important. Thank gosh for Neena as my returner; she really helped me out because she CPed SPOP 1 and she had it under her belt. y staff included Jesus, Jermemy, Ashley, Belen, Patricia, and Neena. I couldn't have asked for any better group to tackle my first SPOP. For the majority, it was also their first SPOP so it was really great to feel the energy. And I had forgotten the energy and excitement that staff could have for their spoppers. Honestly, everyone in the hall cliiiicked! Like instantaneous! it made my job as a CP so breezy, and the freshmen first-year staffers were so enthusiastic.
The touch game went very well! I never had quite a response. One of the spoppers, Nilou, came up to me aftrward and told me I ws a superhero because of all the hardships I've gone through. As a REACHer and a staffer, our goal has always been that ONE person. She was definitely the ONE who touched me and everyone else around her. It's such a humbling experience to see someone transform. Everyone's hearts were so big in that room--the staff, the spoppers, mine. I had no expectations and it truly blew my mind away how intelligent, receptive, engaged, and compassionate everyone was. We need more people like that in the world, and I'm honored to say that I got an entire hall full of them.
During the touch game, Patricia said, "Exactly one year ago we were in your exact positions." To me, that statement rang so true because I, as a returner, was in the staff's position one year ago. My heart and excitement was poured into my SPOPs and the input had a lasting output because I'm still friends with many of my spoppers today. Jason Bach cracked a joke, "Can we do that again?" Hahaha I'm glad that he wanted to do the touch game all over again. We stayed in the kitchen in the heat and humidity and delirium of the afternoon and shared our experiences with spop. It was truly rewarding. I didn't cry. I was definitely touched though.
Ken Hilton was my biggest surprise because when we had lunch, he wanted to play games, so I took them out to play ninjas, little suzie walker, and the fun game. However, Ken disappeared to talk to Victor Kim. I find out that he's a breakdancer and was too shy to show us any moves during intros. At the dance party though, Paulo nudged him into the breakdance circle and he killed it! It does take that one push, that one burst of confidence, that can change everyone's life around.
And SPOP 2 has tat special place in my heart because it was my first one. It was SPOP 1! And we really rocked it. I'm so glad to have met such sensational people. Individuals working together to make a collective. The First ONE. We were ONE.
SPOP 1: Purple Pimpin' Poppin' Prado Posse AKA P5
It was my first time as a CP. I was so nervous and frantic because I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like I kept missing something really important. Thank gosh for Neena as my returner; she really helped me out because she CPed SPOP 1 and she had it under her belt. y staff included Jesus, Jermemy, Ashley, Belen, Patricia, and Neena. I couldn't have asked for any better group to tackle my first SPOP. For the majority, it was also their first SPOP so it was really great to feel the energy. And I had forgotten the energy and excitement that staff could have for their spoppers. Honestly, everyone in the hall cliiiicked! Like instantaneous! it made my job as a CP so breezy, and the freshmen first-year staffers were so enthusiastic.
The touch game went very well! I never had quite a response. One of the spoppers, Nilou, came up to me aftrward and told me I ws a superhero because of all the hardships I've gone through. As a REACHer and a staffer, our goal has always been that ONE person. She was definitely the ONE who touched me and everyone else around her. It's such a humbling experience to see someone transform. Everyone's hearts were so big in that room--the staff, the spoppers, mine. I had no expectations and it truly blew my mind away how intelligent, receptive, engaged, and compassionate everyone was. We need more people like that in the world, and I'm honored to say that I got an entire hall full of them.
During the touch game, Patricia said, "Exactly one year ago we were in your exact positions." To me, that statement rang so true because I, as a returner, was in the staff's position one year ago. My heart and excitement was poured into my SPOPs and the input had a lasting output because I'm still friends with many of my spoppers today. Jason Bach cracked a joke, "Can we do that again?" Hahaha I'm glad that he wanted to do the touch game all over again. We stayed in the kitchen in the heat and humidity and delirium of the afternoon and shared our experiences with spop. It was truly rewarding. I didn't cry. I was definitely touched though.
Ken Hilton was my biggest surprise because when we had lunch, he wanted to play games, so I took them out to play ninjas, little suzie walker, and the fun game. However, Ken disappeared to talk to Victor Kim. I find out that he's a breakdancer and was too shy to show us any moves during intros. At the dance party though, Paulo nudged him into the breakdance circle and he killed it! It does take that one push, that one burst of confidence, that can change everyone's life around.
And SPOP 2 has tat special place in my heart because it was my first one. It was SPOP 1! And we really rocked it. I'm so glad to have met such sensational people. Individuals working together to make a collective. The First ONE. We were ONE.
Monday, July 21, 2008
A Brief
So it's 3:13 in the morning. the night before SPOP 4 and I just finished updating myself on other people's blogs and finished chatting with some of my spoppers from spop 2-p5!
honestly....i was thinking about the last time i wrote a blog entry and i must say that it has been a while. for the most part it's not really neglecting the journal, but truly living life. i'm going to go with phil lee's topic of thinking too much because i often get caught up in thinking so much that i can't enjoy or experience life.
but spop has truly shown me what living life means. it shows me what love is. and in the craziness of dramas, heartbreaks, and struggles...i find myself strugglng to let love shine through in everything i do and everyone i talk to because i honestly care about their success. i want them to explore the potential within themselves and share it with the rest of the world.
on the drive down from spnorcal with doris (jeremy was sleeping), we were reflecting on spop and how it truly changes people. i'm so privileged to experience such a change. i know that people are made of surprises and i am thoroughly surprised by all the people i've staffed with/hope to staff with. anyway, i was thinking about if everyone in the entire world were themselves, and helped each other out, stepped out of their comfort zones, and went out of their way to help someone else. imagine a world like that! how beautiful and happy people would be. to truly help and lift people is so much more reqarding than material posessions. granted, sometimes money and things are nice, a wise economics professor once told me, "Happiness is measured by how much you're valued as a human; a human's worth." and my gold staffers are truly worth every moment....they are needed and they are happy because they know that people depend/trust them.
and even though i am guilty for not spending every waking moment with my staffers, i'm thinking about them, or talking about them. (honestly, all i talked about was staff and spop in the car ride up to norcal and back down from norcal.)
i definitely need to pay it forward to the people who continually push me...even though they are doing their own things...their success and triumphs in life push me farther. so big ups to ray ray, omar, jhust, mike song, phil lee....even though i don't talk to you all on the daily...i think about you men and strive to be better and am glad that i have crossed paths with you.
soo goodnight...and live tomorrow as if it were the last day to live.
honestly....i was thinking about the last time i wrote a blog entry and i must say that it has been a while. for the most part it's not really neglecting the journal, but truly living life. i'm going to go with phil lee's topic of thinking too much because i often get caught up in thinking so much that i can't enjoy or experience life.
but spop has truly shown me what living life means. it shows me what love is. and in the craziness of dramas, heartbreaks, and struggles...i find myself strugglng to let love shine through in everything i do and everyone i talk to because i honestly care about their success. i want them to explore the potential within themselves and share it with the rest of the world.
on the drive down from spnorcal with doris (jeremy was sleeping), we were reflecting on spop and how it truly changes people. i'm so privileged to experience such a change. i know that people are made of surprises and i am thoroughly surprised by all the people i've staffed with/hope to staff with. anyway, i was thinking about if everyone in the entire world were themselves, and helped each other out, stepped out of their comfort zones, and went out of their way to help someone else. imagine a world like that! how beautiful and happy people would be. to truly help and lift people is so much more reqarding than material posessions. granted, sometimes money and things are nice, a wise economics professor once told me, "Happiness is measured by how much you're valued as a human; a human's worth." and my gold staffers are truly worth every moment....they are needed and they are happy because they know that people depend/trust them.
and even though i am guilty for not spending every waking moment with my staffers, i'm thinking about them, or talking about them. (honestly, all i talked about was staff and spop in the car ride up to norcal and back down from norcal.)
i definitely need to pay it forward to the people who continually push me...even though they are doing their own things...their success and triumphs in life push me farther. so big ups to ray ray, omar, jhust, mike song, phil lee....even though i don't talk to you all on the daily...i think about you men and strive to be better and am glad that i have crossed paths with you.
soo goodnight...and live tomorrow as if it were the last day to live.
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