Yellow Lights

yellow lights are flashing
and i'm slowing down
because my thoughts are too fast for my body.
though time can contain both
i haven't contained my self
in the present yet

blue's response

I love your sexuality
your intercourse with art
and being

and being
everything.

If your mind could rub against my chest
to beat it blue
a mother to her child
a father to the child
a beaten child

then maybe i can breathe
into your
poetry
photography
stories
of sacred purity.

it's lonely in the dark
my fingers have fallen off
and i cannot strum the same chords
within my self

help,
i want to wake.

Sythesis of the Selves

I've been told that

Poetry

Is not real work.

"There is no function in society; no production
made by hands."

This is a prodcut of my imagination.
Written language is the tangibility of possibility.

Possibility was torture for my mind
Since without clear route
I could not escape
The fear of being lost
Within my selves.

Now, I see the art.

Is the I the same as the person who writes?
What does this say about the self?
Who is the self that is produced?

If the function of ethnic poetry is to claim a space
Then, we are still enslaved.

The self saw its self
Through the eyes of the outside world.
Such pressure
Like ocean water
On
The breath.
My mind
Broken
Into pieces,
Thoughts,
Selves,
Has finally selved
In synthesis.

Hummingbird

Even a
hummingbird
must perch atop
the apricot tree
branch to see
which flowers
are worthy of
its suckle.

My First Tuesday with Kat

I stole a quote from S D V a while ago: The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

After my first week of school back from England, I felt drained. This weekend I spent time with calvin; he is my home, my sanctuary. With him, he knows history that no one else knows, or that I don't need to explain in introductions.

Now, I have weekly lunches with some of my best girl friends whom I never hang out with. This past Tuesday, I had an hour and a half with Kat. We met in art school and when we got into Irvine, our circles were vastly different. This goes the same with a lot of other people. Although I admire and love very specific people in my life, they fall into different social circles. Thus no hang out bonding time.

Yet I feel change, in my self, in others, and in the world....

Kat has changed. We talked about love, marriage, kids...Something that Calvin and I talk about because we have always been serious like that. But for Kat to talk seriously about love, marriage, children....is friggin ridiculous....unexpected...surprising....

Honestly, I couldn't be happier. Here are the reasons why:

1. First and foremost, I am excited to have someone in the transitional thinking that I have been for a long time. This transitional period of planning for the future, thinking about my wants and the effects on the family I also want is lonely. I feel old. I have had too many hit-it-and-quit-its in my life. I am plunging.....for my the betterment of my self. The fact that Kat is now sharing this same transitional mentality is splendid

2. Love. I am very happy and satisfied with Calvin. He went to England to surprise me, he went to England to send me off, he spent the summer 08 with me. And though we spent our every days together, we both still have the butterflies and we both still maintain our individuality. Yesterday we got a purple and white widow session going, but I didn't smoke because of my resolution. Even though I didn't smoke, he and I could read each other's minds without saying a word and from across the patio. It's a mutual thang. We make each other laugh and we both laugh. We make each other giddy and we both feel giddy. We show each other how to love, and we both feel loved. This works for us. And I'm glad that Kat has found someone to work, fall, support, love.

3. She is happy and her happiness spews, spills, and spreads to me and vice versa.


In an hour and a half, I rekindled and resparked a doubt in my self and in my love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSmfNxmaQHc

Necessary Life

Paris, my first love, you came to me in december when i needed you the most, to revitalize my ideas of love when I had lost my self. I have discovered that the love from my sisters (blood and beyond) empower, encourage, and engage me more than any other man. Together, we are the nation.

Bana and Gacutan-In my transition to find motivations, I have found a deeper balance between my past anger and future imaginations. In my state of delusions, you have given my clarity.

Irvine, Suj, Dor, SPOP-I ran away from you, only to find my self back in the embrace of your ever supportive arms. In my selfish escape, I faced my fears of depression and spiraled back down to the home I left behind. I am ever more humble, appreciative, and determined to give back to you what you have given to me.

Writing and Hip Hop-You keep my heart beating and my soul breathing. I am happy to be alive again.