SPNORCAL

I went around 9:30 AM with Ben, Doris, and Isaac. Calvin rode his motorcycle up at the same time so I expected to meet up with him at home.

The drive was relaxing. We took shifts sleeping so the driver wouldn't be lonely. It was nice talking to Isaac when Ben and Doris was sleeping. He and I were talking about being a returner and how it feels in comparison to being a first year. The experience is different because we do take a backseat on the energy, and we are there for the quieter ones. We wait and watch. We have all become creepers I guess. Hahaha and I'm not sure which one is more rewarding: Being the high energy first year staffer pouring all this information into our spoppers, or watching all the knowledge you drop come to life, and just chill! I personally choose the latter.

It was extremely cold, but hanging out with Ben, Isaac, and Doris for the evening was really cool. We went to Wonderful Foods which had bomb boba! I got pineapple juice with lychee jelly. We decided to go eat at Banana Island, but we took a quick break at a party warehouse type of place to do some whacky things. We got dressed up and made weird faces and I laughed so hard, like in my gut kind of laugh. After dinner I took BART back home.

The next day we all met up Fisherman's Wharf. Let me say that riding on the back of a motorcycle in the city is a MUST DO for everyone! Riding across the bridge feels so free and different. You get to experience the cool of the bay and the minimal heat of the SF sun. Anyhow, Calvin and I had a really good talk that helped us have a great rest of the day.

At Fisherman's Wharf it was great seeing familiar faces in my hometurf. It was my ideal: Calvin, the bay, SPOP. That's what home should always feel like. For the first time in two years, I felt like I was home because I had everything I needed. My norcal and socal lives were combined in this one weekend and I felt free to be myself.

We flash mobbed, saw art, stayed up late, talked, and most importantly, laughed. I fell in love and it didn't end there.

The next morning I went to pick up Jeremy and Doris; we were the first car to head back down to socal. Luckily we missed all the car accidents and traffic so phew! Let me just say that I have always wanted a close friend in SPOP and Doris Su could be the one. Not to say that all the peope I love and adore aren't my close friends, but that one person y'know who has got your back and vice versa. Doris made me feel like a returner and like a human being. My experiences in college with Derek paralleled hers and I could only give her advice on how to sort her situation out. I was glad that I could because during Ask an Anteater, a father asked, "What do you regret?" And my instinct was to say Derek. Not because I didn't learn from him, but I think I could've MAXIMIZED my time if I weren't attached to anyone. However, I am thankful that he was in my life at that time. I told her that deep down in our hearts, we know what we want, and sometimes people have to close ONE door in order to open five more. And for the first ime I understand what it means to do those things.

Deep down in the pit of my heart I know I want to be with Calvin forever. I know that I want to have fun and be free. I want to live. And I am going to try everything I can to maintain what I want now and work on it every day. Calvin and I are like the movie The Notebook; I'm Allie and he's Noah...except I am Diana and he's Calvin. This is such a big chapter of my life--SPOP, England, Calvin--because I am doing things that I want to do without feeling like I should be held down. I am embracing it and all the people who are in my life.

Doris helped me with the SPOP part of my life. I am still very scared to go out to things and to talk to people, especially the returners. But even though I don't talk to them--Omar, Phil Lee, Hannah, Jungle, Shahirah (mostly purple years)--I definitely think about them and talk about them in such high regard and look to them to push me to be a better returner. As a teal year first year staffer who knew nothing of the program, everyone kept talking about how amazing purple was and it was really hard to live up to whatever purple year did. And it's not to say that they didn't hold it down, but the mixture of purple and teal returners this year are really handling it. i was talking to eman and the coords, staff, and returners are a three tier force that are not to be reckoned with! we will take everyone down with our passion to change the woooorld! ::dramatic music ends::

no, but seriously, i'm really happy that the coords are close to the staff, the returners' hearts are in the right places, no one is tryng to overshadow anyone, just spreading love and wisdom; and the first year staffers are so pumped and taking everything to the next level.

i am so privileged to be alive right now. I am glad to be in this lifetime.

i can't thank anyone enough for sharing with me, loving me, listening to me, and helping me grow to be a better person. I am internally and eternally grateful.