Outside In The Loop

I'm importing suj's blog into all of this: http://sujason25.blogspot.com/2008/07/our-role-in-all-of-this.html

i definitely agree with suj in all of this

But is that all? What are we afraid of? The change in ourselves? I hope that we, as returners, challenge ourselves to be better as individuals. Yes, it's about the staff. Yes, it's about the spoppers.

What does it mean to be? We have no idea who we are, and the coords chose us because they saw the potential for growth in us and in the staff. SPOP is about potential and growth. I walk out of every spop feeling more enlightened and conscious of the experiences of other people's worlds. I take every SPOP as a SURPRISE! The spoppers suprise me; my staffers surprise me; and I surprise myself in my ability to learn and grow. THE SURPRISES ARE WHAT MAKES SPOP FUN (for me)! I become more knowledgeable in who I am. I think part of being a returner, besides dropping knowledge and etc, is listening. After returner meeting, it sounded like everyone was trying to go back to their first year experiences, but there really is no going back to our first years. We can only embrace what has happened, feel the jealousy, and utilize every spop as a new surprise, as a new space to learn.

Are we creating too open of a safe space? Yes, you're right; we can't create a bubble for the spoppers but we can show them the potential of what their college experience CAN be. We can tell them that the real world isn't really like this, and we can tell them that it IS what they take from SPOP to help them against the real world. One example: POSITIVITY. I learned in SPOP what it meant to be positive. How do I apply that to my every day life? To remain positive even when the world knocks me down and keep those closest to me closer. We are not the gurus of SPOP and have no idea who is walking through the door and what their comfort levels are especially in two days. No one is going to know anyone in two days. So it's like steppng into the ocean; we need to step back, dip in our toes, and then jump right in if it feels right. It is like a chemical reaction that can't be completed if there is a limiting reactant. We must find the limiting reactant and then the process will be smoother and complete. We aren't going to touch every spopper but it really is that ONE MOMENT that can change a person's day, month, year, or perspective on life. We can be that one moment. We can be there to be the energy too, especially if the staff is tired, or the spoppers are tired, definitely be there to pick up the energy, like how the coords were there for us during trainings. It's not about losing ourselves. It's about exploring other parts of ourselves and strengthening a different facet of who we are. We are getting something out of doing this too. We are becoming versatile and independent rather than depending on other staffers which is a good and bad thing.

Someone brought up spop as an affiliation with no affiliations. And I was brought in with an affiliation. I, personally, feel like Cross the Line has been successful. However, I'm not sure about how effective it has been, especially for the returners. Cross the Line's purpose is to build empathy (if that's the only thing anyone can take from it). From empathy, we can find love and ourselves. Everyone is capable of understanding. Mira was targeted for imposing these conscious ideals on the other coords, but Mira responded with the fact that the other coords are conscious and critical too. For people to ignore the capacity of the other coords does speak lowly of them. And I think for staffers and returners to doubt themselves as critical and conscious speaks lowly of themselves. There are staffers and returners who are aware of the injustices of the world because they have had personal experiences. No one needs to go through diversity training to know what pain feels like, but we should look to those people as a resource to show us what true strength means. I have gone through a lot of trials in my life, and I am glad I can share how I overcame those problems as well as revisit them because it is a humbling experience.

And I'll go back to the dependency on other staffers. I think it's an honor to know that staffers can rely on me as a REACHer, but not every REACHer is critical. I don't know everything. But I also feel like because I am a returner, I talk to a lot of the first years who do feel alone in SPOP. It is good that staffers and come up to me and talk to me about not feeling the splove and about the issues of spop (it makes me feel like a coord). But I feel like I have no team behind me that wants to help, especially when thereare returners saying things like,"It's about the majority's experience, not the minority's." I am the minority, and the team is leaving my experience and knowledge out of the loop.

How can we all be that person without feeling like we're walking on eggshells? I understand that not all of us are that sensitive or are good in those types of situations. I know that I am not that crazy, loud person and I may not be the first person people think about when they think of the word "fun," but I know that I want to work on that. I want to be openly available for all of the staff. I am acknowledging my faults and hoping to fix them to better myself. If people are second guessing themselves because they think that it may offend someone, then maybe it's for a reason. The fact that there is hesitation and questioning at that moment shows us, returners, that we will be accountable for making the "no/yes-go." We need to be accountable for ourselves, and better for ourselves because we have the potential and CAN always be better.

Why stay stagnant? We are all afraid of change on all individual, collective, and institutional levels. However, as we've seen with SPOP, change can be rewarding. I know that I am VERY intimidated to speak in the group, and it's because I feel that my voice is not wanted in the group space, and therefore my concerns aren't implemented on the institutional level. I do have an affect in SPOP and hopefully it's for the good. But where are you returners in that support for change, when you are the ones so resistant to it?