After this guy

We lie in mid-coitus.
I am crying because my insecurities
Come flooding out as we both did
A moment before.

There were 25 men before this one.
All of them were infatuated ideas of love.
All of them got a perfect show--
All smiles; No tears.

But this guy, the one whom
I loved in soul, daggered it
The moment she flew out from
Phantastical orgasm.

"You are a great faker," he exclaimed.
That hurt more than a fist to my face.

I thought this guy
Was different.
No, he is just as afraid
As the others,
Just as small as I am.

I suffocate in his apologies.
My pride swells up over my head and
Crashes my entire body.
I drown in it.

This is where I hide when I want
To get some air, where it is quiet,
Where I am invisible, where I know
Too well, where I never thought

I'd have to come back to....

After this guy.