so....i finished my second year of college and i can honestly say that this year, i've had tremendous growth in every aspect of who i am. every interaction i have with someone, i truly grow a little bit more. my days and nights are filled with adventure with no routine. i've come to understand that everything spirals down to love..everyone who is sad is looking for someone to love them or looking for love and can't find it. people who are happy because they love where they are in life and what they are doing or they are loved and now that. all the questions in the world come back to love. seriously! and i want to say that being in love and being loved is completely different. i know what it feels like to want love and feel loved. and though love is scary, it really does lift us up to a higher place...to a happy place and the risk is well worth it (especially if it's with the right person) and that's how i lived my life and relationships..never settle. never feeling satisfied (with myself and with my partner) and i realized that i got a lot of shit for that when i was young...in my family...with my friends...i was always the loner because i couldn't settle...and i lost friends and made new ones..because i changed and kept moving.
the way i see friends is like the saying goes: the company we keep. we are the CEO of our company and our company has goals, values, and policies. so for my company, one of my policies is 100% open door, you give me honesty and i give you honesty...and like a ceo...those people get cut if they aren't digging where i'm going in life...but that doesn't mean i don't hope our paths don't cross again. because if my company could grow with all the people i've met in my entire life, who have changed me that little bit, then it'd be awesome....but people need that space to grow.
and in my second year of growth i've discovered so much about myself..about acceptance...that i am a newly birthed fawn, vulnerable, and self conscious...but i am loved..and i love...and it's okay...because i'll get through life if i put all my efforts into getting what i want. and i know it's really hard for me to do that because i am usually the debbie downer, the devil's advocate, and the one who brings life back to the beauty of pain, but i truly am an optimist, and enthusiast, a supporter of good times =D
so momo and i were talking and we discovered 5 qualities of a soulmate:
1. intellectual-there needs to be intellectual stimulation. even if your interests are different, hopefully the exchange in knowledge and information is exciting and beneficial in the growth of both partners. but if both your interests are the same, then hopefully your can share different perspectives on the subject or apply that interest/hobby to everyday experiences...intellectual growth..harmony (defined by me: different, thoughts, feelings, people, noun in a space of mutual understanding in contrast to unity which is unified thought, feelings, etc)
2. emotional-this may be obvious but strong feelings for another...whether they are friendship, like, love, whatever...as long as they trigger something deep in our heart or makes your heart race...then...yes!
3. phsyical- another kinda obvious one but physical stimulation is so key.and not that bullshit oh it feels good kine, but the orgasmic, flirtatious, foreplay for hours kine...hahaha or it can be just the need to touch each other...or be in each other's presence to be calm, soothed, focused.
4. spiritual-this is so important because hopefully this person brings you to a higher place whether you both are of the same faith, organized, religion, spirituality, etc because this can encompass the above three.
5. trust-y'know this one is arguable.because you could have all those things and trust is kinda assumed, but it's such an important concept and idea. i mean...think about it. you need to trust your partner whole heartedly with your mind, soul, body, heart....it's pretty intense to me...and you can feel connected but is it true connection? trust yourself..and trust your partner.
and of course...there's always more to add. and this doesn't have to be with a lover...it can be with one peson..a close friend...a relative...whoever completes your consciousness....complements it.
for me: 1. i've grown so quickly that i felt that i connected with someone truly important in my life, who has accepted me and though we shared the same thoughts, our approaches are completely different.my intelligence lies in linguistics and interpersonal. i think my partner's is nature and music. and it's really interesting to learn and see from different perspectives. it's truly mind blowing. 2. i have always had strong feelings for this person but they've always been put aside...because of the fear to love each other. and i'm really glad that i had to let down my walls and just be honest with myself and with my partner.and i must admit that those butterfly feelings have never gone away. it's a constant warming up to that person everytime we meet. it's pretty crazy. 3. we're magnets: we just fit and are so drawn to each other. i feel at ease, soothed, calm, collected when "so and so" is around. i feel like i can focus when that person is near. and when we're pulled apart, we justwant to get back together as soon as possible. and in whatever position i'm in laying in bed or whatnot, i always seem to fit into my partner's body. the nooks, cracks, and crannies are obsolete and we become so consumed in each other's presense. 4. i have never experienced as much acceptance, lve, and faith from one persn in my life. this person truly compels me, moes me, sweps me up and lifts me like the wind over the sea...and leaves me floating...like a leaf on the surface of water. it's just like...wow you get it. 5. lastly, the one that has held us boh back but we're definitely working on. because it's not me that has the trust issue, but the partner.and it's funny because i trust myself and hope that person will come around eventually...and i trust that that person will.
and this is my life...and where i'm at...i'm moved by life, by love and have never felt so much joy...and i'm so happy and thankful that it's here right when i'm about to go to england.
y'know...my last comment from a while ago is quite the downer so i'm going to talk about the happy thins in my life because i am feeling good about life and i have a lot of positive things going on that i honestly never talk about. writing when you're happy is one of the hardest things to do but i'm going to try and explain.
so....i finished my second year of college and i can honestly say that this year, i've had tremendous growth in every aspect of who i am. every interaction i have with someone, i truly grow a little bit more. my days and nights are filled with adventure with no routine. i've come to understand that everything spirals down to love..everyone who is sad is looking for someone to love them or looking for love and can't find it. people who are happy because they love where they are in life and what they are doing or they are loved and now that. all the questions in the world come back to love. seriously! and i want to say that being in love and being loved is completely different. i know what it feels like to want love and feel loved. and though love is scary, it really does lift us up to a higher place...to a happy place and the risk is well worth it (especially if it's with the right person) and that's how i lived my life and relationships..never settle. never feeling satisfied (with myself and with my partner) and i realized that i got a lot of shit for that when i was young...in my family...with my friends...i was always the loner because i couldn't settle...and i lost friends and made new ones..because i changed and kept moving.
the way i see friends is like the saying goes: the company we keep. we are the CEO of our company and our company has goals, values, and policies. so for my company, one of my policies is 100% open door, you give me honesty and i give you honesty...and like a ceo...those people get cut if they aren't digging where i'm going in life...but that doesn't mean i don't hope our paths don't cross again. because if my company could grow with all the people i've met in my entire life, who have changed me that little bit, then it'd be awesome....but people need that space to grow.
and in my second year of growth i've discovered so much about myself..about acceptance...that i am a newly birthed fawn, vulnerable, and self conscious...but i am loved..and i love...and it's okay...because i'll get through life if i put all my efforts into getting what i want. and i know it's really hard for me to do that because i am usually the debbie downer, the devil's advocate, and the one who brings life back to the beauty of pain, but i truly am an optimist, and enthusiast, a supporter of good times =D
so momo and i were talking and we discovered 5 qualities of a soulmate:
1. intellectual-there needs to be intellectual stimulation. even if your interests are different, hopefully the exchange in knowledge and information is exciting and beneficial in the growth of both partners. but if both your interests are the same, then hopefully your can share different perspectives on the subject or apply that interest/hobby to everyday experiences...intellectual growth..harmony (defined by me: different, thoughts, feelings, people, noun in a space of mutual understanding in contrast to unity which is unified thought, feelings, etc)
2. emotional-this may be obvious but strong feelings for another...whether they are friendship, like, love, whatever...as long as they trigger something deep in our heart or makes your heart race...then...yes!
3. phsyical- another kinda obvious one but physical stimulation is so key.and not that bullshit oh it feels good kine, but the orgasmic, flirtatious, foreplay for hours kine...hahaha or it can be just the need to touch each other...or be in each other's presence to be calm, soothed, focused.
4. spiritual-this is so important because hopefully this person brings you to a higher place whether you both are of the same faith, organized, religion, spirituality, etc because this can encompass the above three.
5. trust-y'know this one is arguable.because you could have all those things and trust is kinda assumed, but it's such an important concept and idea. i mean...think about it. you need to trust your partner whole heartedly with your mind, soul, body, heart....it's pretty intense to me...and you can feel connected but is it true connection? trust yourself..and trust your partner.
and of course...there's always more to add. and this doesn't have to be with a lover...it can be with one peson..a close friend...a relative...whoever completes your consciousness....complements it.
for me: 1. i've grown so quickly that i felt that i connected with someone truly important in my life, who has accepted me and though we shared the same thoughts, our approaches are completely different.my intelligence lies in linguistics and interpersonal. i think my partner's is nature and music. and it's really interesting to learn and see from different perspectives. it's truly mind blowing. 2. i have always had strong feelings for this person but they've always been put aside...because of the fear to love each other. and i'm really glad that i had to let down my walls and just be honest with myself and with my partner.and i must admit that those butterfly feelings have never gone away. it's a constant warming up to that person everytime we meet. it's pretty crazy. 3. we're magnets: we just fit and are so drawn to each other. i feel at ease, soothed, calm, collected when "so and so" is around. i feel like i can focus when that person is near. and when we're pulled apart, we justwant to get back together as soon as possible. and in whatever position i'm in laying in bed or whatnot, i always seem to fit into my partner's body. the nooks, cracks, and crannies are obsolete and we become so consumed in each other's presense. 4. i have never experienced as much acceptance, lve, and faith from one persn in my life. this person truly compels me, moes me, sweps me up and lifts me like the wind over the sea...and leaves me floating...like a leaf on the surface of water. it's just like...wow you get it. 5. lastly, the one that has held us boh back but we're definitely working on. because it's not me that has the trust issue, but the partner.and it's funny because i trust myself and hope that person will come around eventually...and i trust that that person will.
and this is my life...and where i'm at...i'm moved by life.
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