describing faith in an email....

i guess that's what faith is. it's an internal purpose. i know that when i was on e or after e i just felt like the only thing to think about was the now and being connected to the now and living life because living is great. but e lost that when i started doing it with calvin. it became more about sex actually. you know...faith is like the coldplay concert to me. just fully connected; its beauty reaches a sublime than cannot be expressed. i've had both experiences with ecstacy and with calvin. with calvin, we had sex and we orgasmed at the same time and it was fully connecting, both opening up body, mind, and spirit and feeling safe and comfortable in that exchange. wow. i've never thought about it like that before. it's like an exchange of our souls and laughing....we both laughed because we were so consumed in it. it's like when a baby laughs...pure...joyful...unkowingingly aware of what it's laughing at. i cried afterward because it was beauty at it's most intimate and sensual and sexual and natural human form. with ecstacy it's connecting to the beat of music and to lights and to the people around you...it's tribal...like a heartbeat...simple...as though the light was the stars, the beats were the sound of our drums, the crickets, our hearts, and the moon is always watching overhead....the fire in the middle...is where we burn our insecurities...yeah...it's the love we have for one another...the safety from being together in the dark knowing that we will forever watch after one another spiritually. that's ecstasy to me. tribal. pagan. holistic. both those instances i felt enough. and that's probably what i'm missing right now. faith. purpose.