Breakup with Music

Keeping my ear close to your bass lines,
Imagining purple hyacinths in adagio
Along pale breasts in goosebumps,
And whispering lover words,
I didn't sleep without you, Music.

As if there were no other chest you could live in,
The only space you found breath,
You looped my mind in choruses,
Versed me with depth—
Of your mother,
Of your father,
Of your revolution,
Of our future—
Clinging cobwebs
That made me believe
In the invisible,
In the wind,
In god,
In love…

Our lips
Are tectonic plates
Causing earthquakes
With every kiss.

I bought into your cover art,
Fighting fists at rest in my arms, and
Undeliverable promises:
Opening with moons
Falling out of orbit
If ever you missed a moment of my wake;
Next scene, you, on bended knee, say,
“We are destined
To intertwine together into a cosmic line,
Tracing back to the dusts of our universe;
We
are
creation.”

Yet you existed only in my sorrows; I cried
Into your rhythm and blues, neosoul,
Hip hop, electronica,
Secure in the stability of your measures,
Assured by your selfless heartbeat.

But this disease,
This codependency.
Is sucking the juice out of
Blackberries in Summer’s june.
I can’t be the lucky lady on your top 40 hit
Knowing I was never your lady at all.

I meditate on my pride.
I can’t suspend my sanity on your symphonies;
I can’t love you;
The way you want me to
Or the way you loved me
Because I don’t know how to:

How to breathe on my own
How to love my own
How to live on my own
How to grow my fruit
and eat it too.



In naked candlelight,

I orgasm staccatos
From my chest


And live there…

Without you.