The Power of Now

::Chorus "Hip Hop is dead" plays::
""Hip Hop just died this morning
and He's dead, he's dead.."

(Sings) What happened to hip hop? I will not know.
He left me before I could go.

Characters:
Jaci=electronica
Calvin=Hip hop

Diana: electronica/house makes me feel alive, happy, throbbing with the feul of love..special. Hip hop pierces my skin with bullets of struggle. It hurts to love hip hop because walking into his beat is massacre. Electronica, however, is free, free for all, free love for all, freeing the almighty within. I can be assertive, sexual, in love, and independent.

Inner peace: Maybe I'll go alternative and fall into his plain blues, into his six-string vibrations to keep me afloat.

Diana: Wow, I've been conditioned to think of depth as going downward toward our earth like a rock falling to the bottom floors of the deepest oceans. But even that has an end; our earth has limits. What is deeper than earth?

Inner peace: SPACE! It has no limits. The depths of our universe. Shit. That's deep AND infinite!

Diana: I can feel my heart rate increasing as I realize my ego, Director of Diversity, is a lie that I've projected. I also feel compulsive about Calvin, wanting to call him to escape the pain of the future, to feel the pain of the past. Why can't I just BE? What am I afraid of in the present? That I'm actually happy in the present? (I also feel sleepy. Ah the conditioning of my childhood!)

Diana: I'm afraid to know it's over. I will admit that I fucked up. I am afraid to have closure. I am afraid that he can be happy without me. I am afraid that he IS happy without me. I am afraid that I can't be happy in the end without him.

Inner peace: I am happy now, though.

Diana: How can I be so afraid?

Inner peace: Can't you see that you must have faith in me? The peace, I, ai, will bring love, ai, I. It's okay to be alone.

Diana: My brain is shutting down and just wants to sleep.

Inner peace: No, Diana, wake up. It's about time to fucking wake up to life.

Diana: I feel regret for taking Calvin for granted. he made me feel peace within myself. with BEing, (in the beginning). I could be myself and he loved me. We shared bliss, in Eric's apartment, on the floor, we had sex, and I cried in the moment. Bliss. I can feel it. I CAN be blissful. I want that again and my first time was with Calvin and my mind attaches it with him.

Inner peace: But that's one of the causes of human suffering--attachment.

Diana: I shouldn't have a new relationship when the fragments of my past relationship pains are still lodged in my mind/pain-body. I shouldn't have children or marriage because of all those pains. I should be in education either. Shit.

Diana: My inner peace is death. I can hear it drawing in me/me in. The secrets. I take to my grave. No more pain once I'm gone. It can't survive. They will not touch children's ears.

Inner peace: I am already dead. I am dead. I die. I died.

::Diana sobs:: (regathers myself)

Inner peace: So now, I can live the way I want to live.

"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."-St. Paul

Diana: I keep thinking about calling Calvin and saying, "You were right all along. I am wrong for not jumping into the unknown."

Inner peace: But that's not true. I am right. He is right. We both are right....just wrong for each other.

Diana: Shit. He was never the one. I am the one who is right for me.