this isn't love

gramma never had to break up with him
or go though the healing process that I did

i find my mind grasping for tangible markers:
buddha books, notebooks, meditation music, sun salutations

all left under my bed in my apartment
my safe space to be

without extra noise from gramma,
asking me to call him to hang out,

to pretend we are okay again.
o-kay, cantonese for home, we aren't.

above waking eyes, she insists that she call
and ask if he has a girlfriend!

no, i didn't ask for this.
he doesn't want me.

our fates aren't tied.
i break it down for her. i break up with her for him

echoing someone i've heard before...
she blames my unsettled heart

and i feel her anger attacking my inner
fleeting soul goddess i am

this isn't love, this is choosing sides
obviously, she chose him

and he chose another girl
and i chose me.